I had been communicating to Pam updates on Fenton regularly throughout the day and evening. I could hear in her voice that she understood things were on the downslide. She was part of the week in Boston when he began to stop moving and had to be in California for her classes through Thursday night. She was making contingency plans to get here in a rush if things really turned bad. However, we were shooting for keeping him comfortable until she got to the ranch on Friday evening late. I was determined to do everything I could for Fenton to spend some quality time with his mom and, as it turned out, he did just that.
It was very late on Friday night when Pam and one of Fenton's favorite people, Linda, rolled in the driveway. I think it must have been almost 2am. I had gone to sleep but woke up to see Fenton's mood lift considerably at seeing his mom and Linda. He tried to get up and even managed to raise into a slight sitting position but no more than that. When Fenton is happy, he does this sort of bobbing of his head which is his signal to get over there and get some lovin'. I felt a rush of relief to see him perk up and hoped her presence might bring about a shift for the better. Pam and Linda were slated to be here until Tuesday afternoon so they had a long few days together.
The weather was going to be turning nasty after Saturday night so the plan was to give him a bath and see about getting him down on the grass in the sun. Since he wasn't moving, it took all three of us to lift the dog bed with him on it and carry him down to the yard. He was a bit anxious but, like the trooper he is, he adjusted to the new situation and stayed still during his ride. Saturday was warm and sunny; all of us were in better spirits and Fenton most of all had a really good day. He couldn't move much but Pam and Linda spent the day lounging next to him in the shade of a tree. I helped when I was needed but Pam had said she wanted me to get a break from all the animals. She knew it had been a stressful few days on my own. I had had to deal with the dead ram during all this as well not to mention my own bp issues. (More on that in another post)
The next couple of days went along with Fenton truly being treated like a king; pampered with love and attention, the best of meals and cuddling up at night with Pam lying by his side. Fenton was not happy indoors. Much too warm in the house so the outdoor porch (the dog porch) was his domain. Remember the weather was turning bad....cold rain, frigid temps and even 6 inches of snow all the way to Monday night. Pam was bundling up with layers and sleeping next to him on the dog porch at night in her winter down sleeping bag. To say Fenton was loving it was an understatement. In fact, his mood was actually quite good most of the time and he was eating, drinking and eliminating fine. One of the problems though was he really wasn't happy about not being able to take care of his bodily functions on his own. His pride and dignity were taking quite a hit along with the beginnings of sores on his belly. Even as Linda and Pam were cleaning him as soon as it happened, things just weren't improving. A large dog like Fenton can't be down for so long without some pressure on his internal organs but mostly he was not having a good quality of life like this.
It was an incredibly hard decision for Pam but as Tuesday neared she became more focused on what she had to do. There were moments of tears, reminiscing with stories that brought laughter, and talks about the special relationships we have with our pets who become our family. I had become very fond of Fenton and it saddened me to see this but I was a bystander more or less, watching the struggle Pam was going through. This is a woman who wrote an incredible book called Sight Hound about her first Irish wolfhound, Dante, who passed away from cancer many years ago. It moved me beyond belief and in a way, helped me to grieve for my own beloved Sheltie, Max, when his time came. Since Dante, she has had many wolfhounds....Mary Ellen, Rose, and Liam come to mind but there were more than that. Needless to say, she has traveled this road before. And yet, it never gets easier.
With Fenton, it would have been easier if he wasn't eating and drinking but he snarfed up sushi grade salmon sashimi, ground lamb roll from New Zealand and the pièce de résistance....dry aged beef in a huge t-bone that had to set her back $25. Pam said in an email to me before she arrived...."its going to be sad I believe but we are going to eat well and Fenton is going to feel like a king".
It was our comfort food as much as Fenton's and Pam cooked us some incredible meals. I've never had dry aged beef but let me tell you...it was the most amazing steak I've ever had. I was also reintroduced to fresh artichokes that you steam and then peal off leaf by leaf. She had brought some in on another visit prior and knew I really liked them. Another night we had fresh made pesto over linguini and a yummy salad. But as soon as dinner was over, Pam headed out to Fenton while Linda and I took care of cleaning up the kitchen.
The emotions were obviously intense in those few days but I was witness to a rich mixture of compassion, kindness, love and grace under pressure. I felt honored to be in the midst of this and even more so, humbled at the thoughtful gestures shared with two women I really didn't know that well. I tried to use my intuition to know when they needed space, a hug, or a hot cup of coffee or tea brought out to them as they sat next to Fenton in the frigid cold. I would grab some time here and there with him and what struck me was the direct way he would look you in the eye. I think he had a sense of his life winding down but in those days he focused his love on Pam as well as Linda and on the last night another beloved friend of his, Kae.
This is another testament to the devotion to Fenton and Pam. Kae lives in Denver, a 5 hour drive north. On Monday evening, Kae began driving down in her Prius...in the last big snowstorm to hit the region. At certain times, she was driving through a white squall to finally arrive at the ranch around 930pm or so. Fenton again lit up and bobbed like crazy when he saw her. That night she slept in her own down sleeping bag on the other side of Fenton. By this time it had already been decided and it was just a matter of the waiting until Tuesday morning. Doc Howard told Pam he was sending his two vet techs to the ranch to put Fenton to sleep at 11am the next morning.
I've mentioned in other posts that Doc doesn't get around much anymore. He has severe knee problems and actually doesn't walk much even in the vet's office. He scoots around on a wheeled stool. The vet tech who was slated to handle the shots had been going out to do such visits for some time now and did almost all the shots at the vet's office. Still, I knew Pam would have rather had Doc there but she never said anything. As the time drew closer, Pam understandably grew more and more quiet. You could feel the sorrow and anxiety coming off her in waves. One of the concerns was that Fenton would fight the drugs and of course, his size is always a factor about amount of meds to be effective.
During these days, there were a couple of tasks that needed to be taken care of. The biggest thing being was getting more hay which entailed a long drive out to Monte Vista. I was to head out with Dex, Pam's reliable cowboy ranch hand, right after breakfast. I had a nice moment saying goodbye to Fenton, knowing he'd be gone by the time we got back. He bobbed his head as his usual greeting and licked my cheek hello while I scratched his ears and neck. He lets out these adorable groans of pleasure and looked me right in the eye. This dog knows things, he truly does. There's a feeling of humanity about wolfhounds that is so surprising at first but something I have grown to truly appreciate in a short time. He has all the best characteristics of humankind....being in the moment, devotion and loyalty, boundless love and peace. A wolfhound is happiest when they are running full tilt with a stride that can match a small horse and a fierce glee when all four paws have left the earth. I whispered to him "Run, be free" before climbing into the truck and out the driveway.
Fenton on a good day, taking his job of watching out for coyotes seriously. May he rest in peace.
In spite of his own ailments, Doc Howard himself came out to the ranch to put Fenton to sleep. This was a significant thing for him to do and I know Pam was grateful and honored. Later, when I got back, Pam told me...."he went gently and peacefully and he told me to trust myself."
The weather was going to be turning nasty after Saturday night so the plan was to give him a bath and see about getting him down on the grass in the sun. Since he wasn't moving, it took all three of us to lift the dog bed with him on it and carry him down to the yard. He was a bit anxious but, like the trooper he is, he adjusted to the new situation and stayed still during his ride. Saturday was warm and sunny; all of us were in better spirits and Fenton most of all had a really good day. He couldn't move much but Pam and Linda spent the day lounging next to him in the shade of a tree. I helped when I was needed but Pam had said she wanted me to get a break from all the animals. She knew it had been a stressful few days on my own. I had had to deal with the dead ram during all this as well not to mention my own bp issues. (More on that in another post)
The next couple of days went along with Fenton truly being treated like a king; pampered with love and attention, the best of meals and cuddling up at night with Pam lying by his side. Fenton was not happy indoors. Much too warm in the house so the outdoor porch (the dog porch) was his domain. Remember the weather was turning bad....cold rain, frigid temps and even 6 inches of snow all the way to Monday night. Pam was bundling up with layers and sleeping next to him on the dog porch at night in her winter down sleeping bag. To say Fenton was loving it was an understatement. In fact, his mood was actually quite good most of the time and he was eating, drinking and eliminating fine. One of the problems though was he really wasn't happy about not being able to take care of his bodily functions on his own. His pride and dignity were taking quite a hit along with the beginnings of sores on his belly. Even as Linda and Pam were cleaning him as soon as it happened, things just weren't improving. A large dog like Fenton can't be down for so long without some pressure on his internal organs but mostly he was not having a good quality of life like this.
It was an incredibly hard decision for Pam but as Tuesday neared she became more focused on what she had to do. There were moments of tears, reminiscing with stories that brought laughter, and talks about the special relationships we have with our pets who become our family. I had become very fond of Fenton and it saddened me to see this but I was a bystander more or less, watching the struggle Pam was going through. This is a woman who wrote an incredible book called Sight Hound about her first Irish wolfhound, Dante, who passed away from cancer many years ago. It moved me beyond belief and in a way, helped me to grieve for my own beloved Sheltie, Max, when his time came. Since Dante, she has had many wolfhounds....Mary Ellen, Rose, and Liam come to mind but there were more than that. Needless to say, she has traveled this road before. And yet, it never gets easier.
With Fenton, it would have been easier if he wasn't eating and drinking but he snarfed up sushi grade salmon sashimi, ground lamb roll from New Zealand and the pièce de résistance....dry aged beef in a huge t-bone that had to set her back $25. Pam said in an email to me before she arrived...."its going to be sad I believe but we are going to eat well and Fenton is going to feel like a king".
It was our comfort food as much as Fenton's and Pam cooked us some incredible meals. I've never had dry aged beef but let me tell you...it was the most amazing steak I've ever had. I was also reintroduced to fresh artichokes that you steam and then peal off leaf by leaf. She had brought some in on another visit prior and knew I really liked them. Another night we had fresh made pesto over linguini and a yummy salad. But as soon as dinner was over, Pam headed out to Fenton while Linda and I took care of cleaning up the kitchen.
The emotions were obviously intense in those few days but I was witness to a rich mixture of compassion, kindness, love and grace under pressure. I felt honored to be in the midst of this and even more so, humbled at the thoughtful gestures shared with two women I really didn't know that well. I tried to use my intuition to know when they needed space, a hug, or a hot cup of coffee or tea brought out to them as they sat next to Fenton in the frigid cold. I would grab some time here and there with him and what struck me was the direct way he would look you in the eye. I think he had a sense of his life winding down but in those days he focused his love on Pam as well as Linda and on the last night another beloved friend of his, Kae.
This is another testament to the devotion to Fenton and Pam. Kae lives in Denver, a 5 hour drive north. On Monday evening, Kae began driving down in her Prius...in the last big snowstorm to hit the region. At certain times, she was driving through a white squall to finally arrive at the ranch around 930pm or so. Fenton again lit up and bobbed like crazy when he saw her. That night she slept in her own down sleeping bag on the other side of Fenton. By this time it had already been decided and it was just a matter of the waiting until Tuesday morning. Doc Howard told Pam he was sending his two vet techs to the ranch to put Fenton to sleep at 11am the next morning.
I've mentioned in other posts that Doc doesn't get around much anymore. He has severe knee problems and actually doesn't walk much even in the vet's office. He scoots around on a wheeled stool. The vet tech who was slated to handle the shots had been going out to do such visits for some time now and did almost all the shots at the vet's office. Still, I knew Pam would have rather had Doc there but she never said anything. As the time drew closer, Pam understandably grew more and more quiet. You could feel the sorrow and anxiety coming off her in waves. One of the concerns was that Fenton would fight the drugs and of course, his size is always a factor about amount of meds to be effective.
During these days, there were a couple of tasks that needed to be taken care of. The biggest thing being was getting more hay which entailed a long drive out to Monte Vista. I was to head out with Dex, Pam's reliable cowboy ranch hand, right after breakfast. I had a nice moment saying goodbye to Fenton, knowing he'd be gone by the time we got back. He bobbed his head as his usual greeting and licked my cheek hello while I scratched his ears and neck. He lets out these adorable groans of pleasure and looked me right in the eye. This dog knows things, he truly does. There's a feeling of humanity about wolfhounds that is so surprising at first but something I have grown to truly appreciate in a short time. He has all the best characteristics of humankind....being in the moment, devotion and loyalty, boundless love and peace. A wolfhound is happiest when they are running full tilt with a stride that can match a small horse and a fierce glee when all four paws have left the earth. I whispered to him "Run, be free" before climbing into the truck and out the driveway.
Fenton on a good day, taking his job of watching out for coyotes seriously. May he rest in peace.
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